No news.

There are no updates and I don't really know what to say anymore. This time of waiting and uncertainty is getting harder by the day. I count my blessings every day and pray for our birthmom (whoever she is) and our future baby and I also pray for every family going through the adoption process. I try to put on a happy face about it and be in good spirits but honestly with each and every minute that passes that my phone does not ring with the call I have been dreaming about I get more and more discouraged. Every night (well, minus every third night since my husband works every third night) I cry and ask my husband if he really thinks we are going to be parents soon. My sweet husband always says yes he really believes we will. Last night he told me not to lose faith. It was really sweet when he said it and I know Kyle is right.

I've lost interest in cooking and baking for now (I absolutely love baking!! I think it is so much fun and it really makes me happy) because nothing seems to be able to take my mind off of this adoption process. Even in church yesterday the sermon and songs reminded me of our adoption journey (but during church it reminds me of it in a good way and renews my hope). My ultimate hope is in Jesus and I know that He has a special plan for us.

I feel as though I am the annoying client but I just called the agency. I left a message with the person at the front desk for the coordinator to call me back. My message was, "I am just calling to see if there is an update. There probably isn't an update but I just wanted to call and check." That sounds so desperate but I really do think the staff at the agency understands.

Hello gone awry.

Without going into the whole story (I will save that post for another day...I have it written out and I even posted it for a couple of hours but then took it down) I believe we have another failed match. I did some detective work yesterday and have been in contact with my consultant (I seriously don't know what we would do without her!) and our agency. I was really drained and feeling beat up over this but our consultant and agency have been wonderful through my recent findings on this match. I'm going to continue to pray for our birthmother, whoever she is, and I'm going to continue to pray for our future son or daughter.

I know I've been slacking with the updates but there are no updates. I will be doing another conference call in a few weeks with our birthmom so that will be nice. Tomorrow marks nine weeks out from the expected due date. The rest of July is packed pretty solid for me with work, babysitting my niece, appointments, birthday parties, etc. so that actually really helps to pass the time. I will try to write more thoughts later this week.