So in light of my positive birthday post, I just have to have a mini vent session real quick.

It greatly upsets me when I hear pregnant women take their healthy pregnancy for granted by complaining about one or more of the pregnancy symptoms. Truth of the matter is, we all take things for granted in our lives. I have come to the honest conclusion by women complaining when they are pregnant about symptoms (morning sickness, weight gain, acne, cravings, etc...whatever it may be...not in any particular order) that they are indeed taking their pregnancy for granted.

Vent over.

Today is my birthday.

I'm not one who makes a big deal about my birthday and honestly I usually forget about my birthday when it is coming up. As I reflect back to a year ago today I would have never guessed that now, a year later, I would be a woman who feels the scorn and grief of losing a baby.

I am actually doing a good job of staying positive this month and year(well, so far...considering we are only into the 7th day of this month and year). I feel like with my personal life (wanting to get pregnant), I am remaining very positive and hopeful. I don't know if part of it is because that I've been doing an outstanding job with working out and for the most part eating but whatever it is I feel great.

Maybe this is my month. Maybe this is my year. Maybe a year from today I will be celebrating my birthday with not only my husband but with also my baby. I can only hope that dream comes true this year.

Welcome 2010.

I started my 4th round of Clomid 3 days ago. The dosage is doubled (thank goodness) so it's really funny getting used to this new dosage (I only take it for 5 days out of the month). With the last dosage it would make me sometimes very hyper yet out of it all at the same time. This dosage just makes me very out of it, relaxed, and tired. That's okay, though...I'll take those side effects any day.

My very precious niece just turned a year old 2 days ago. I cannot believe she is a year old already. My niece has definitely brought an enormous joy to my life and honestly spending time holding her and playing with has helped somewhat with dealing with the grief of my miscarriage. I love M (my niece) more than words can describe. I enjoy watching her frequently and helping her learn and grow. I do admit that sometimes if I am rocking her to sleep whether it's for a nap or for the night or if she falls asleep on me while watching Barney, I sometimes get tears in my eyes which at times lead to tears down my cheeks. I always look at her and wonder if one day I will be blessed with a child...or what will happen if I am not. Whenever I start to think this way I just hug M close and sing to her.

I hope one day (soon) I will be singing my own child to sleep.