Free Falling

You know all that talk about guarding my heart from being too excited and not attaching myself? Well, forget that. I'm in fully excited mode and there is no going back or stopping me.

This past Saturday night, I was home by myself watching a television show and every time the show went to a commercial I would take that few minutes to open the nursery door and look at the baby clothes in the closet and in the drawers. I would also hold all of the clothes and imagine our daughter (oh, did I mention that it's a girl?) in them. I know that sounds very weird but I just couldn't help myself. Every time the show would go to a commercial that is what I would do. I then opened the bibb drawer and held up the bibbs and imagined which one our daughter would wear first. And then I came to the hats. And then the socks. Let's not even mention when I was at the mall yesterday - I had a little bit of time to waste before meeting up with my friend for lunch so I went in Belk and looked at all of the baby girl clothes on clearance. I think at one point the lady working behind the counter (the counter was right next to the clearance section of baby clothes) heard me chuckling to myself as I held up different little dresses, imagining our baby wearing them. I kept smiling and chuckling so I'm sure it appeared a little odd. And no, I did not buy any of the clothes. Honestly there is not a need for us to buy any clothes because our daughter is set thanks to my sister passing down all of my niece's clothes. Plus, I just don't want to buy a single thing just in case this situation doesn't work out...it makes it that much harder. I'm praying that this is it and I do have a good feeling about this situation and this baby (but of course I always have a good feeling...though with the last failed adoption, even though I really loved our birthmom, there were red flags in the very beginning that I chose to ignore).

We will meet our birthmom in less than two weeks and I could not be more thrilled about that. I know when the day comes at the end of next week I will probably be extremely nervous but right now I am just excited.