For the past couple of months I haven't been able to find the words to write. Everytime I go to write a post I just end up deleting it because it sounds so scattered - just like the rest of my posts.
I am not exagerating when I say that over the past 2 months I have heard of more of my friends/people I know getting pregnant than I ever have before. I try to show my happiness and try to show interest and enthusiasm in their joys but sometimes...okay, all of the time...I find myself selfishly wondering, "Why not me?"
Believe it or not, I have actually been more positive about it (for the most part) over the past couple of months than I was. I think it's normal to grieve for a while...I just feel like I will be grieving forever. I'm so fortunate to believe in the Almighty and I know He has a special plan for me, whatever that is. Right now my struggle is knowing whether God's plan is for me to have a baby biologically or through adoption. July 14 is quickly approaching (I don't know whether to rejoice in the fact we have made it through this tough year or to be sad that we have made it through this year and I am still not pregnant) and if I am not pregnant by then, then K and I are going to sit down and go from there.
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