This Time

In two days we will go to an orientation/informational meeting at an adoption agency. I am looking forward to hearing what they have to say but I just don't think we are going to go with them. Who knows, though. What I'm REALLY looking forward to is next Monday.

After talking with the sweet lady who adopted from a local women's resource center, I emailed the Executive Director at the center. She actually emailed me back this weekend and gave me her cell phone number. Yesterday I called her cell phone and left a message, not really expecting a call back anytime soon. A few hours she called me back! She told me she would love to talk with me and said that she is extremely busy but could work something out. At first she said she could do a meeting over the phone if we needed to but really wanted to meet me in person. I told her no problem. She said she would love to meet me for lunch at Chick-fil-A so I agreed (I would much rather meet at her office because I think there is gong to be much awkwardness on my part at a lunch meeting but I will take it!). I am extremely nervous and excited at the same time. Ya'll know me - I'm not a huge talker. With my previous job I did have to talk for a living which was no problem because I was talking about the place I worked (and still work) for. When it comes to talking about myself I am not so good at that. I always prefer to listen to people rather than talk, so this should be interesting. I really feel good about this and I wish Monday would hurry up and get here. I do know that whether we choose to go with the agency or this women's resource center, we need to get a home study started. The hold up has been this agency meeting. If we choose to pursue the agency adoption process then we will get a homestudy done through the agency's social workers. If we choose to go through the resource center we will use social workers from the county. I have a feeling we will be going with the resource center but who knows what will happen. God knows, I know that much. I know this is all part of His amazing plan for our life (I debated whether or not to write "life" or "lives" because technically it should be "our lives" but since Kyle and I share a life together I decided to write life).

Looking back at to where I was this time last year I have seen such a drastic change in myself. While a huge part of me died last year when I lost the baby and I have changed since losing the baby, I feel like I am slowly starting to have a new piece of my heart grow where the old piece died. It's really hard to explain. I think about how I've changed constantly. This time last year marked a little over two months since I lost the baby and I felt like there was no hope for my husband and me to be parents. This time last year I would go home every evening and cry my eyes out. This time last year I was mad at the world. I am so thankful not to be in the place where I was this time last year. I am thankful for the experience (I never thought I would say that) because I know that it has led to on this path to pursue adoption earlier than we anticipated (we always knew we would adopt someday...we just thought it would be when our biological kids were in high school). I know the road to adoption is not an easy road. It can take a long time and can carry disappointment if a failed match were to take place. I do know the outcome is so worth it, though.

Alright, that's all I have to say/write for now. I hope to provide an update after the agency meeting.