There is not really anything new to write about so that is why I've been slacking on the blog posts. We are still set to attend at orientation meeting with an adoption agency at the very end of this month (I wish it was sooner). I'm a little frustrated because I have heard that since this is the largest adoption agency in the United States, right now there is a waiting list to be put on the waiting list. But, who knows. I just heard that from an adoption message board I have started to frequent. Maybe that person was wrong.
I did find an adoption consultant right in Atlanta that we are looking into. I was so confused about adoption consultants and what exactly they do. They network with agencies, attorneys and birth moms and so you are paying them plus an agency. It's really tempting to use them because the one not too far away from us claims that most couples have a match with a newborn within 3-12 months...which is amazing. I do know this place is legitimate because I've read multiple reviews from women on this adoption message board that have used them. I was all excited because honestly I was willing to pay the extra money (less than $3,000) to use their services if it meant we would have a baby sooner rather than later. I filled out a "preference" form and a "getting to know you" form and I am so bummed after I got an email back from them. The lady who emailed me was super nice (both ladies I have contact at this place are so nice) and invited me to a free seminar in a couple of weeks (I can't go to it because I have to work at a late meeting that night...however, they will send me a dvd on the seminar). She told me the only concern they have with me and my husband is our adoption budget. She asked if we would be willing to up our budget to a minimum of $30,000...preferably $35,000. Umm, NO. I know you cannot put a price on a child and fulfilling the dream of having a child but I'm sorry, we really cannot do that. I guess now I understand why they can almost guarantee you will have a newborn within 3-12 months...the more money you have the easier it is. On their website they did say don't get discouraged if you don't have that big of a budget because there are grants, loans, scholarships, etc. Well, I'm extrememly discouraged. It just does not seem fair. I refuse to take out a home equity loan or whatever it's called. No way, no how. The scholarships and grants sound great (and believe me, I will be applying for scholarships and grants once a home study is completed) but from what information I have gathered, the scholarships and grants are not a lot of money.
While I feel very strongly that God has told us that now is the time for us to be parents (I fully believe that with my whole heart), I guess the devil is telling me that maybe we won't ever be parents. Maybe, instead of saving for an adoption, we should just take the money and to go Alaska, Boston and wherever else we want to go next year...and, you know, be that couple who are childless and can travel whenever and wherever. Or spend money on new furniture or re-do our side yard or the back retaining wall. Or just take random weekend trips whenever we want. While all of that sounds fun, I know it would not fill the void in our hearts.
I know He will provide...but honestly that is easier to say than to really grasp sometimes. I'm also wondering if we should put our own selfish desires on the back burner and be willing to adopt a child who will obviously not look like either one of us or anyone in our family in the least bit (the adoption consultant told us that the only type of child with our budget that we would be able to adopt would be a certain type of child...a child that is fully of an obvious, different race). Not that I care if they look like our family because sometimes even adoption children who are the same race as you don't look like their adoptive parents (though, in most cases I've seen the adopted children look exactly like their adoptive parents...I think God is just cool like that!), but I know it will be extremely hard for a child who is of a completely different race than us. Even though it is 2010, I know the child will still get questions from classmates in school about the difference in skin color and looks. I wouldn't mind adopting a child like that if we were older and had kids in high school. I don't know. I honestly feel like I am not being racist but maybe I do have my priorities mixed up.
Okay, now I'm just rambling.
I don't think wanting a child that looks like you and your family is racist; I think it's natural. The first thing people say when they see a newborn is "He has your eyes!" or "She has your nose!" We want that connection. Remember Christopher's offer to talk to his parents (who, by the way, I think looks a lot like his adoptive father! And his adopted brother, I think, looks a lot like their adoptive mother!) who adopted both him and his brother when they were a young couple, both just starting out in a career. I'm sure that financially, you're probably in about the same place they were. Don't be discouraged just by money. God does amazing things and will put things and people into your life that will make this little speedbump seem insignificant.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragement. That is a good prospective on it! I may take Chris up on his offer to talk to his parents in a couple of months if I am still feeling this discouraged. When my dad and his first wife (before he met my mom) adopted my eldest brother, I don't think they had any money. My dad said adoptions were way less expensive back then. My cousin Kristin has two precious children who she and her husband adopted...and the kids really do look like her and her husband! My adopted brother's son kind of favors my dad.
ReplyDeleteI really wish I could say without a doubt that I could adopt (at this time in my life) a child that the lady said was the least expensive...I did email her back to ask her the prices for a bi-racial baby, though.
For what it's worth, Mary, Cate's birth father is Iranian so we didn't expect her to look anything like us. :) God is into the details, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteAunt Carolyn told me that a while ago about Cate's birth father and I think that is so amazing because honestly I would never know that just by looking at her! I still think it's completely cool how Cate and Ben look just like you and Greg.
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