Mother's Day weekend was good...I think my family had fun at my house and enjoyed the food. My mom had a really great time and I could tell that it meant a lot to her that she could come to my house and not worry about fixing food or cleaning up after everyone. I really hope and pray that everythjing works out with this adoption we are planning for and that I will be able to be wished a Happy Mother's Day next year.
All weekend long, whenever I had a spare moment (which wasn't often since my precious two year old niece was with us) I kept finding myself looking at the pictures from January...the pictures of that beautiful baby girl who we had to walk away from and not sign for (I praise God that a few days after that she found her forever family!) after spending four days with her in the NICU...our first failed adoption. Those pictures really tug at my heart whenever I see them and I think of what my life would be like if we had gone through and signed. I sometimes wonder if I regret walking away but I know in the end we did the right thing for her. I sometimes wonder if God is upset with me for not going through with the adoption but then I remind myself that we prayed so hard for a very clear answer from the doctor and the next morning after speaking to the doctor we knew the answer after watching the doctor cry and explain everything to us. I wish I could delete the pictures because they show so much happiness and excitement in our faces despite our surroundings. They show so much love from us toward that little baby and yet I wonder if it would be better to just delete the pictures so that time remains only a memory. For now I think I will continue to hold on to the pictures because that was a huge part of our life and the pictures continue to remind me that God really does have a plan for us even though at the time we may not understand why things have to happen the way they do.
Apart from chasing after our sweet niece this weekend and looking at the pictures from our first failed adoption, I thought a ton about our birth mother on Sunday. I thought about her and her baby she is carrying. I can't imagine the emotions she must be feeling right now, as she is halfway through her pregnancy. We will be going to see her at the end of June and I hope to talk to her on the phone before that. I actually cannot wait to talk to her so I really hope she agrees to a conference call. I hope to get to know her but I know it will be challenging with the agency serving as the middle-man.
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