We are hanging on with smiles on our faces.

This past weekend was pretty good. Every single time I started to get sad or start sulking or start asking the question, "WHY?!" I kept thanking God for a different blessing in my life. Everytime I started to think about the ups followed by the downs of our adoption journey I quickly started thankging God for the beautiful life and blessings he has given to me.

I'm so worn down right now but I'm trying to keep a great attitude about everything. Everytime I do start to ask the question, "WHY?!" I feel guilty and then the thought, "Why not?!" pops into my head. Why not me? Why not us? I keep having to remind myself (sometimes while biting my lip and gritting my teeth) that God does not give us anything that we cannot handle - which, is kind of ironic because I am very sensitive and am the person in my family who worries non-stop about everyone.

I was playing out the scenarios that we've been through in my head and we've covered almost all of the adoption-cliche bases now so I thanked God that I was able to chuckle about that (I do find it humorous and I always say if I don't laugh at something I will cry so it's better to be able to laugh!).

Kyle and I are hoping the 5th time is the charm and we are just hoping the 5th time comes quickly. It's interesting/funny because a couple of days ago marked exactly nine months that we've been working with our agency (and really, that's too long to work with this agency since they are small but I firmly believe that the situations that we have been in have in no way been the agency's fault). The only one I kind of shake my head on them at is the 3rd situation in which we matched five months early. Honestly, that should not have happened. I am so against agencies matching families that early because that is a long, long time for anything to happen. I know I always say this but praise the Lord for our consultant Courtney (she does not work for the agency...I just wanted to make that clear)! She has been so wonderful to be the liason between us and the agency and she has just been super. I really cannot recommend her enough!