By His Grace

The other day I didn't get a chance to finish writing my thoughts on adoption. I think adoption is a wonderful thing. My eldest brother is adopted as is his wife. My cousin has adopted two children. I know a few others who have adopted and I know plenty of people who have been adopted. I am all for adoption. I have really been thinking about adoption lately since the words, "What if..." run through my mind daily with trying to get pregnant ("What if I can't get pregnant again?").

Though my husband is definitely not opposed to adopting a child, he says that we are too young to think about that right now. I do see his point to an extent but I really don't think you can label this as "too young".

Adoption can be a very expensive process. I know a couple of people who have been fortunate enough to do private adoptions which if I understand right are less expensive (I do a lot of reading). There is no way that we could afford to go through an agency that charges $20,000-$40,000 to adopt a child. That part is very heartbreaking...knowing that if I cannot get pregnant then I may not be able to afford to adopt a child. I know that private adoptions are rare but that is definitely how I would want to do it. I guess I am getting ahead of myself, though.

So yesterday I went in to have a sonogram. They had to perform a sonogram on me before the doctor would up my dosage of clomid to make sure I don't have any ovarian cysts. Thankfully everything came back clear and today the nurse called in a prescription of Clomid for me. They increased the dosage from 50 mg to 100 mg. I asked if there was any way if they could please increase it to 150 mg but she said there is no way they could increase it that much for this dosage. My body has to get used to this 100 mg dosage before increasing it to 150 mg. I am praying that this is our month and that they will not have to increase it. I pray that January is the month that the Lord blesses us (again) with a baby...a baby who will stay with us this time.

Though I am extremely blessed with an amazing husband, an outstanding family (both sides of the family), a great job, fantastic friends, a wonderful house, etc...I still feel as if 2009 has been a year of sadness and disappointment for us (with the exception of my niece being born...she really fills my heart with joy). I call 2009 the year of sadness. I am ready for 2010 and I hope that this is our year...our year to share our love with a precious gift from God.

Goodbye 2009...welcome 2010.