Should Have

So I am still being a slacker with the layout/template of this blog but I will get around to doing it hopefully sooner rather than later. For the next four days (including today) I don't have much time because of a special little girl who takes all of my time (except for when she naps...like she's doing now).

My niece is here for a four day weekend! I get so excited when she stays with me and my husband at our house. The first reason is because I love her so much and I thoroughly enjoy spending time with her. It is so hard to believe that in a few short weeks she will be a year and a half. The second reason is because I love my sister so much and I really enjoy being able to help her out. She is traveling this weekend and I know she will have a fun time. The third reason is probably going to not sound right but watching my niece and having full responsibility for her is the closest thing I become to being a mom. Please don't get me wrong - I am not saying that I am like a mom to my niece. My sister does an outstanding job with her and is her Mommy. I am just saying that I get a great big taste of what it would be like to have a little human being rely on me for everything. And, for a brief moment, I get to forget that I should have become a mother three months ago.

I say should have with complete selfishness. Once the words "should have" and "supposed to" come out of my mouth or brain, I always think that there is no "should have". The good Lord does have a reason for me not being a mother and my husband not being a father right now. He is the One Who knows why I had only a few short weeks of being aware of my pregnancy and the little baby inside of me. I really need to stop dwelling on should have.

I guess one reason I am so optimistic today is because my precious, sweet angel of a niece really helps take my mind off of the loss.

I hope everyone has a good weekend...I know I sure will!