Everytime I log in to write a post about the failed adoption a couple of weeks ago, I have nothing to write. Sure, I have many things in my head about it and I will never, ever forget that experience. I just feel like right now my words cannot do that experience justice. My words cannot do that precious little girl justice.
I almost feel like maybe I shouldn't write about what happened...maybe I should just leave it as a memory. I could write every detail about those four days that forever changed my life and drew me way closer to God than I already was. I just feel like I can't. I don't have writer's block I just feel like there is not a need to write about it right now. I'm sure that probably doesn't make a bit of sense.
We are in the process of being presented...I just don't think we will really "broadcast" our match until the adoption is a done deal...as in signed, sealed, delivered. That is going to be really hard for me. I love sharing the great news with everyone. I want to shout great news from the roof of my house because I get so excited. After talking with Kyle, we both agree that everytime we share great news relating to us being parents, we jinx ourselves and it doesn't work out. While the experience of not becoming parents when you think you are about to become parents is exruciating and so heartbreaking, it's also heartbreaking to have to go back and tell everyone that it just wasn't meant to be. Sure, when we get matched I will tell our immediate family (parents and siblings), my cousin and two of my friends...but that's it. We just can't keep getting everyone around us excited to just go back and let them no it was a false alarm. It's a bummer.
Anyways, hopefully we will be matched soon and hopefully sooner rather than later we will have some fantastic news to report. In the meantime I will probably write a post or two about what happened a few weeks ago. It will probably have to be written in a couple of different parts since it took place over four days.
Mary's Music
I love your honesty. And I can understand where you're coming from. I believe you are going to have news to shout from the rooftops, giving glory to God, sooner rather than later.
ReplyDeleteAnd, you know, you may want to write down your experience in Tampa just to have for yourself down the road. I know you won't ever forget, but it seems like it's been instrumental in your adoption journey, and, more importantly, your faith journey. It's worth savoring, even if it's bittersweet and you don't want to share it in words with the world.
Thank you, Kristin! I have actually been looking at different journals lately and I think I am going to get one and start one. It will be nice to have a hard print of all my thoughts!
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