By His Grace

I spoke to our birthmother yesterday and I really enjoyed talking with her. I was nervous before the phone call...my hands were shaky and I just couldn't think straight. I would almost compare waiting on the call to waiting on a first date to pick you up. You wonder if they are going to like you. You hope that you do not say anything wrong. You wonder what pitch you should make your voice or that you don't speak in a weird octave (and believe me, I was talking out loud to myself trying to decide if I should talk in my regular low voice or my regular high voice).

I really, really enjoyed our conversation. Her social worker was there (I was on speaker phone) so she could help transition the conversation if it got awkward.

Less than three weeks and my heart is complete. Less than three weeks and I will truly have something - someone - in front of my to cry tears of joy about (I already cry tears of joy...it's just once she is in my arms it will be that much more real). I almost feel like in a weird way, I am going through the last stretch of a pregnancy. In a way I guess I am...it's just a little different. I'm not carrying Caroline under my heart - I am carrying her inside of my heart. I am still remaining just a tad bit guarded just in case but I have let a little bit of the guard down. I also find myself randomly tearing up even if I'm not doing anything. I also just break out into random sobs of joy if I am by myself. Weird, I know. I believe I've also started "nesting", which is right before a woman gives birth and she starts cleaning and getting everything ready. I like to think that, for the most part, I keep my house in order and clean. It's a little crazy right now with boxes here and there and bags from baby stores laying around just waiting for the merchandise inside of them to be used. Today I have started to unpack the bags and throw away empty boxes. I was actually all set to wash and sterlize the neat bottles that we bought to take with us but once I opened both boxes (one with a special microwave sterilization kit that the lady at Babies R Us convinced my sweet husband that we needed) I realized I don't think I like them that much. It's a neat concept (and no, it's not those expensive Dr. Brown bottles that I have heard don't really work that well) that comes from Britain but it seems really complicated to clean. Oh, and the microwave sterlization, though also a neat concept, is not really needed. The dishwasher can sterilize just as well. I have Caroline's clothes packed and the diaper bag ready to go. Heck, I even have my suitcase ready to go (you never know when a baby is gong to be early). I would love to be in the room when my daughter is born but it will take us exactly nine hours to drive down there so who knows. Right now I really want to go sweep my back patio and my front porch but it's a little useless due to the strong wind today. I have also thought about rearranging my living room furniture but I don't think that's possible...it's set up a way that makes the most sense.

I don't know how often I will update over the next few weeks but I would like to ask for prayers, please. Prayers for the birthmother and prayers for Caroline. Thank you!