By His Grace

Okay, so this blog is looking a little bit better but I know it can still use a bit of sprucing up.

My mind and heart have been going crazy lately. The different emotions I have been feeling have been leaving me in a weird mood. Exactly four weeks ago a little baby girl was born. Exactly four weeks ago Kyle and I were sitting in a hotel room, like we had been for days, waiting on pins and needles. Exactly four weeks ago later in the night we knew the birthmom had absolutely no intention of signing and made the long drive home.

Kyle and I are still without our baby. March is coming to an end and we are right back to where we are so used to being - without a child. Tomorrow is my darling husband's birthday and I would love more than anything to tell him that the agency called with an immediate situation. I've tried not to let the frustration and discouragement get the best of me but it's not been an easy task. Just when I feel that the frustration and discouragment have gotten me so down that I'm just numb, my heart starts fluttering whenever the phone rings. I pray for good news daily and I pray that God's will is done. I pray for Him to be glorified. I know once we meet the baby God intended for us it will all make sense and all of the frustration and discouragement will instantly disappear...it's just hard to understand that right now. Every day I try to be optimistic and think that this is just another day for us to finish another home project (okay, so we've finished all of our home projects for now) or that it's another day to sleep through the night. Okay, so I haven't been sleeping through the night and I've been getting to bed between midnight and 1 a.m. For those of you who really know me you know this is not like me at all. I'm usually in bed asleep between 9:30-10:00 pm. I just can't do it. When I do fall asleep it's as if my dreams make fun of me. I always have some kind of dream where we get "the call" and then once we get down there for placement it doesn't happen.

Okay, that's enough writing for one night. God is good and life is tough but God is still good!