So another potential match has come and gone. This time Kyle and I kept this potential match to ourselves. It would have been a (for the most part) great situation with a baby girl who is due this week. The birthmom thought we were the most attractive and cutest couple but she thought we were too young looking/too young (keep in mind she is 30 years old...and we are 26 and 25...whatever). I keep telling myself that no matter her reasons for not picking us, I can't fault her for making a decision that she and her mother feel is best for her.
One would think that with each rejection it would get easier but honestly it's just the opposite. As soon as I found out that she had selected another family I just broke down again. I am ashamed to admit this but I then looked at Kyle and said, "I don't believe anymore." He asked me what I didn't believe and I told him that I just don't believe we are going to ever have a situation work out for us. Now, I might have said that in a moment of self pity and somewhere deep in my heart I know that we are meant to be parents. With each failed situation or non-match my heart keeps getting rubbed down and I just am having trouble believing that it will happen to us. I always tell myself that I am not going to get excited over a potential situation but that doesn't happen. I get excited and I invest my heart into it and then bam.
Please don't get me wrong - I believe in God and I feel like my faith in Him is stronger than ever. I'm just starting to believe that maybe it won't happen.
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