TV Talk

Okay, let's talk about last night's episode of One Tree Hill (OTH). I promise this is not turning into a television show review blog...I just feel the need to write about it since it pertains to the adoption process.

I complained last week about how the episide painted a very unrealistic picture of the adoptive parent and birthmom matching process (usually adoptive parents don't get picked that easily and in that kind of setting and birthmom's just don't let themselves in to the adoptive parents house and sit on their counters while eating Toaster Strudel's out of the freezer). Last night's episode made me feel a little bit better because it showed a very realistic scenario. I know it's just a television show but I felt connected with it. I could tell right away from the look Chloe, the birthmom, was giving Brooke when she asked her to leave the room until after the birth that she was going to choose to parent. Heck, I could even tell before then. While it's just a show on television with actors who are payed serious money to play these characters with these made up lives, I could feel the pain of spending time with the birthmom, getting to know the birthmom and even loving the birthmom...and being led to believe that you are going to be the parent of their little baby girl...for them to just suddenly decide to parent. While I believe that some of the birthmoms truly don't know until the second they hold their sweet baby that they want to parent, I do believe some of them know they are going to parent the whole time and are just afraid to admit it (I promise this is not a post bashing birthmoms...I really respect birthmoms and their decisions to choose for their baby to have a better life than they could give them. I also respect if they decide that they want to parent). Seeing Brooke and Julianne just standing there realizing what was happening right before their eyes and hearts - that they were not going to be parents at that very instant as they were led to believe - really pinched my heart. That pain is still fresh for me and will be until the Lord leades us to our baby.

Having a birthmom change her mind (which, I really can respect that decision. It's a life altering decision and as much as it hurts and as much as the decision is sometimes not the best decision for the baby, it's a life altering decision and I would never want anyone to live with a deep regret for the rest of their lives.) at the last minute is, in my humble opinion, losing a child. It's as real as a death of a child. I fully and truly believe that with any and every failed match, the adoptive parents grieve the death of a child when the birthfamily decide to parent. In some cases you might have weeks or months to prepare for this child and choose a name for this child and really fall in love with this unborn child. In other cases you may only have a couple of hours or days to prepare for this child but that doesn't take away the love you are already experiencing. In the case of our second failed match we spent hours at the hospital with the birthmom and I could tell right away from when we arrived at her room in the hospital that she was going to parent. Something in my gut just told me from the way she was acting and the things she was repeatedly saying. We did not get to hold the baby girl or even see her by our own choice. We received word from her social worker that she was considering not placing the baby for adoption but yet she still wanted to see us and for us to see and hold the baby...she wanted the company. I (and the social worker) felt like this would be so cruel to do to us since her mind was already made up and so we declined to visit the birthmom and the baby girl in the hospital. Anyways, all in all I thought OTH handled the episode very well. It was well written and well directed - and even well acted ("well acted" is not really a correct phrase but you get the gist). Also, one last thought on last night's episode...I couldn't help but crack up and chuckle when Brooke and Julian entered their birthmom's hospital room and immediately started asking how she was feeling and if they could get her anything to eat. They were desperate to make her feel comfortable. The reason I chuckled was not because it was hilarious but because it brought back flashbacks of when Kyle and I did the same exact thing with both birthmoms.