Naivety

This morning I called the adoptive parent coordinator at the agency for my weekly check in. She was really nice as usual but she told me that while they've had plenty of intakes during the past week, there haven't been any for me. Bummer. She has a couple of more intakes that they just need to look over so maybe one of those will work for me. We decided that it would be best if she doesn't tell me when we are presented unless it is a questionable situation that she needs my input on. I told her that I will still check in weekly even if I don't hear from her and she said that is perfectly fine.

I told myself this morning that I wouldn't get down but I guess the pep talk to myself didn't quite work. I guess I'm down because now it's not a matter of the agency not having any intakes since they have had plenty. It's just a matter that there are not any situations for me. I'm really struggling with trying not to question God on this but I know I just can't do that.

As my favorite television show, One Tree Hill, comes to a close (only a few or so episodes left), it's starting to frustrate me a little bit (but I still love watching it). Last night on the show it featured a little bit about the couple who just got married that have strugged with infertility and just decided to adopt and got matched up with a birthmom the day they decided to adopt (yeah, not really reality). When the couple (Julian and Brooke) came home from being and out and about their birthmom had found the spare key under the doormat and let herself in and was eating Toaster Strudels from their freezer (again, not reality, I know). She then hung out at the house with Brooke all day. She left and then the last clip of Julian and Brooke showed Julian answering their phone and coming in to tell Brooke, "She went into labor." It went on how the birthmom went into labor and it was time. I started getting choked up of course because I keep imagining getting this call and yet it is not seeming to happen (and then I remember the first call in January that Kyle got when I was in the shower that it was time). This is going to sound a little crazy but right after this clip showed my house phone started ringing. No joke. The naive part of me hesitated with a heavily beating heart thinking that this was our surprise call. This was the call telling us that they found a birthmom for us who was going into labor at that very second. Maybe it wasn't so naive to believe this might be "the call" because the agency tends to call us on our house phone for some reason. The only other people that call us on our house phone are some of Kyle's family members in California (but we just heard from them last week so I knew they wouldn't be calling again this week) and sales people. I cautiously picked up the phone after a few rings stupidly expecting to hear some exciting news and of course it was just an automated sales pitch. I then settled back on the couch telling myself not to be so naive. They showed a clip of next week's One Tree Hill and it kind of leaves you guessing if the birthmom decides to parent or not. I guess I will find out next week.