Third time's the charm?

Here we go again. We've been matched (again). We've been matched exactly eight weeks to the day that our second match fell through.

I am really happy but I am honestly so scared and so very, very nervous. The baby is not due until early fall and that is a very long time for our birthmom to change her mind. That's a long time for the birthmom to feel the baby kick and move and for her to decide to parent. That's a long time for her to fall in love with the baby and decide to try parenting. I'm just plain 'ol paranoid now. While I want to be so excited (and don't get me wrong - I am), I am majorly guarding my heart. I feel so guarded right now and I actually don't like being this guarded.

The reason I am posting about the match on here is because I had a conversation with our wonderful consultant (who I will be writing a post about later! She has been so fantastic these past few months) earlier this week and she asked if we would consider telling people about this match. I said no at first because not only is it so humiliating for people to see our heartbreak (I don't like for people to see me sad) when something does not work out but I also feel an obligation to protect our family members who get so excited with us only to feel so much pain and sorrow when the matches fail. Courtney brought up a really great point...it really is about the power of prayer and the body of Christ uniting together to pray for each other. So...Kyle and I had a long talk the other night and we are both in agreement to tell people. We really could use all the prayer we can get. Our birthmom could use a ton of prayer. And of course, our unborn son or daughter can use a lot of prayer (I almost hesitate to refer to the baby as "ours" because of the whole being guarded issue).

I've known about this potential match for almost two weeks (it will be two weeks tomorrow). I knew we were presented along with other families. The agency's adoptive parent coordinator has been out sick so that is why we did not hear a word. This whole time I've been praying that God would only allow her to choose us if this is the baby He intends for us to raise. I prayed that if this was not our baby, He would not have her choose us. So...I am going to have to be positive about this situation and take it as God has answered my prayer and that this really is our forever child.

I am going to try to become un-guarded because this baby and birthmom deserve someone who is going to be so excited and thrilled and someone who is going to love them so much. I would never want to look at my child and tell them that I was miserably because of paranoia leading up to their birth. I want our birthmom to know that we love her and the baby and we have been praying for them daily.

I don't like asking for things but I am asking all of you to pray for our birthmom and our baby. Prayers are so greatly appreciated.

I am also praying that these next 19.5 weeks are full of excitement instead of paranoia.

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord."

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:31