Reading about families who have just been matched with a baby who is already born or who were matched last week and the baby was born this week is simply discouraging. I know that makes me sound bratty but I promise I am not trying to be that way. It's so discouraging to know that I've had two failed adoptions since the beginning of the year and I still don't have a baby and yet all of these other people are getting matched with babies left and right and meeting their babies soon after they get matched (then I remind myself that I don't know their situations so that is not fair for me to get upset). In my heart I am so happy for them but right now to be honest it's hard to read all of that. I always think, "When is it going to be my turn?" I know I need to stop thinking so selfishly. I know this is all part of our Master's mighty plan for us and when I remind myself of that it is indeed comforting.
It used to be so encouraging to see that but I think I've been a little jaded by the failed matches. The adoptive parent coordinator has not emailed me back and I want to call her at the agency so badly just to say hey and do a verbal check-in but Kyle told me not to in the case I might annoy her or tick the agency off. Even though I know the coordinator understands because she adopted both of her daughters and went through struggles to adopt them, I don't want to get on her nerves. I just want our baby. I just want to be told that we have been matched and we can come pick up our baby. I just want to be reassured (thankfully, I know I have reassurance in Jesus Christ and His plan for us but I think you know what I mean). I just want to share the love I have for Kyle with a baby and I know Kyle wants the same. I just want to hold our son or daughter and look into their eyes for the first time.
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