I'm afraid this phrase is getting a little too familiar to me lately but unfortunately there is not an update at all. I am going to call and check in with the agency tomorrow. A big part of me feels bad because I know I seem so pessimistic all the time and just down on an adoption happening for us and I don't need to be that way. I really need to learn a lesson from my darling husband. Kyle is such a trooper and rock. He has had a great attitude these past four grueling months and he always reminds me that the baby God intends for us is out there. I really hope I don't start to anger the agency and I don't think I will. The coordinator is an adoptive parent herself so surely she understands my need to check in with her weekly. While the drive to the area in Florida can get a little tiring, I am very much looking forward to the next time we get called to drive down there because I am trusting, hoping and praying that it's to go meet our son or daughter. Today I am feeling pretty good and numb and I don't necessarily mean numb in a horrible, pessimistic, down-in-the-dumps kind of way. I just mean that I am so used to this roller coaster of emotions that I'm not getting too worked up over it - or at least not this minute. Last night I had a moment where I was really frustrated and sad for myself but quickly dried up my tears. I started getting a little emotional while reading my Bible last night because it was about Hannah's longing for a child and her prayer to God for a child. I know God hears my cries for a child and my yearning to get wind of a situation that will work out for us. I guess I just need to sit still (and know that He is God) and just truly trust that God has a birthmom and a baby for us. I sometimes question whether or not if it's selfish for me to ask God to bring us a situation soon...sometimes I feel bad for making such a request especially when I know it's all in His timing. When I start to feel guilty about asking God to grant our request very soon (as in any second now), I remember that it's okay because God knows my heart and He already knows my request even before I talk to Him.
To completely change the subject, I am having the internal debate again on whether or not I should "go public" with my blog. I'm a pretty quiet person until you get to know me and even then I can still be pretty quiet. I don't like for people to know my raw emotions and I get embarassed if people see that I am sad or hurting over something. At the same time I know it's helped me to read message boards and other blogs over the past two years so maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to put this blog out there ( I am not saying I am a great writer nor am I saying that my chaotic and sporadic writings will help someone).
And you never know who might see it and be that connection for you! P.S. I love this new layout and header! Where did you get it?
ReplyDeleteThanks, Melanie! I got it from shabbyblogs.com. It took so much of my time one night (well, several nights) to figure out how to copy all of this. They have some really neat designs! And good point, by the way!
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