The "A" Word

I don't really have anything interesting to say so that is why I haven't been blogging lately. Nothing is new and I am fine with that.

So, a while back I wrote about how my husband and I would be discussing the big "A" word (adoption)on July 14 which was the year anniversary of our baby's death. Well, July 14 has come and gone and we never really had an in depth discussion about it. My husband told me a week prior to the 14th that he just wasn't ready to consider adoption at that point. He said that he would feel like he was giving up on us having a child biologically if he talked about adoption. Plus, he just really doesn't understand how it works. I cannot really blame him with either of those thoughts. While I know that starting the adoption process is not "giving up" on our ability to have a child naturally, I would still love to have a biological child. With the whole not really understanding how adoption works, I get that...I really do. Adoption can be a tricky, expensive and confusing process. Reading about it and researching it can be very time consuming and honestly tiring. Not to mention the cost factor. That alone can get one down instantly.

So I was actually fine with not fully discussing and starting the adoption process this month. For some reason lately I just kind of have a "whatever" attitude about it all. Sure, things still drive me crazy and annoy me to no end, but I can say with a happy heart that I have not had a pity party for myself in quite a while. I haven't broken down crying at night in a couple of months (this is definitely an improvement).

This past weekend my sister was telling me about her co-worker's daughter who has adopted several daughters from China. This lady's daughter got some sort of adoption loan or scholarship or grant from an organization that a famous Christian singer and his family started and continue to run. This organization supposedly makes adoption more affordable. While in the car yesterday, I told my husband about this Christian singer's organization to help families who want to adopt. My husband then responded by telling me that he feels more strongly than ever that we are at the point in our life/lives that children need to be apart of it. He then went on to explain that even though he's wanted children for the past couple of years that we've been trying, he really feels that now is our time and we have so much love to share with eachother that he feels strongly that we also need to share our love with a baby. He also asked me to look up more information on this organization and more about adoption grants. Heck, we even talked about where (as in domestically or internationally) we would like to adopt kids from. We are in agreement about all of it. He promised me (and my sweet husband is good about not breaking his promises) that whenever he finishes training for his new career, we will start the home study and look for the help of an adoption agency (if we cannot find a birth mother ourselves to do a private adoption with). It makes sense. His new career takes a lot out of him physically and mentally...especially the six months of training. He should be done with training at the end of the year. I am thrilled that we are now on the same page (over the past few months he has taken one step forward and I've taken a step back to where we are both meeting in the middle...and we've both taken these steps on our own time). If we reach the point of adopting, we would prefer to adopt a baby in the United States first and foremost. If for some reason that doesn't work out we will also consider China or Korea.

It feels good to have a plan. It also feels good to know that even if I don't get pregnant again, we can still become parents and raise children together. So, a plan has been made and now I will just continue to enjoy the rest of the year with my husband.